Friday, November 30, 2007

Aku Juga Punya Hati ...

i can only do so much
i can only try my best

still it isn't enough ..
then there's nothing else
i could do

when the time come
i will bid farewell

it will not be my loss then
it isn't my loss.

.

i'll chase the rainbow
even it will not light up my life
at least it will cheer me up
alas for a moment.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Theraphy ..

dunno y .. lately rasa gatal jek nak masak. especially bila hati rasa tak tenteram. mcm ari tu .. balik2 jek terus ke dapur. masak beef steak, salad and ommelette. the probem is banyak bahan2 tader. bila dah beli pun, time nak masak carik2 tak jumpa laks. pas tu antam je lah. tgk lah apa yang ada .. main antam jek.
ada ke org masak steak guna oyster sauce, black pepper and garlic butter? pak cik carik2 sarawak black pepper sauce yang slalu pak cik guna tader lak. nak buat fancy2 malas nak pikir and malas nak carik resipi dan bahan2. antam je lah.
anak2 bini kata sedap jek. tak tahu la kut depa bodek tukang masak baru nih :)) ekekeke

If ...

1. if you are giving a chance, only one chance, to make a wish and to request anything under the sky, which will be granted doesn't matter what it is, what will you wish for?
2. if you only have a 30 days to live, what will you do?
We always pray. always wish for something. or a lots of things. from Him the Almighty either subsconciously or conciously. most of the times we feel that our pray or wish never been answered by Him. we seldom or never get what we request for. little we know He already answered but we are too blind to see. too greedy to notice it.
ever notice that most of the things we got we have to pay for it? i guess the same apply for whatever we wish from Him. never or seldom we got sexactly what we want. till its looks like the destiny is playing with us. we win some we loose some. is it the way it work?
i looked up to the sky, wishing for the full moon to be there. yes ... it was there. but only for a while. before the dark thick cloud came and swept her away. and then came the lightning. followed by heavy rain, pouring down like forever. and i who was all wet finally have to move my butt home as i can't no longer stand the cold. shaky and shiver. i the little man can't fight this universe alone.

.

"kelip-kelip di sangka api, kalau api mana puntung nya?
hilang ghaib disangka mati, kalau mati mana kubur nya?"

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Hati Yang Terluka ..

malam tadi sedang pak cik dinner di sebuah restoran siam, tetiba berkumandang lagu ini di corong radio. sedap dan merdu suara penyanyi nya.
"sapa nyanyi lagu ni?" tanya si ehem ehem.
"siti norhaliza" jawab pak cik dengan nada konfiden. pak cik tahu memang bukan dia pun ;)) huhuhu.
"bukanlah .. sapa tu .. sapa .. haaa .. ramlah ram" jawab si ehem ehem.
"la .. ye ke? sedap laks suaranya" sahut pak cik.
"nanti tolong cari kan ya" pinta si ehem ehem.
"apa tajuk nya? hati yang terluka?" tanya pak cik.
definitely tu bukan tajuk nya. tu tajuk lagu broery marantika. pak cik main petik jek sesedap mulut :D tsk tsk tsk.

pagi ni dah siap donlod siap dengan lirik. thot wanna share with *u ols*.


Ketentuan

Tak semudah kau sangka
Melepaskan kau pergi
Hati yang meronta
Hampa kecewa
Ku tekad sembunyikannya
Dari pandangan mu

Aku rela begini
Berakhirnya disini
Dari bersamamu terus berpura
Setelah cinta tiada lagi
Di hatimu

Ku hapuskan air mata dari mengiringi
Kesengsaran mengharung perpisahan ini
Ku pujuk jiwa nestapa pendamkanlah duka
Pasrah pada lara kententuan ini

Tak semudah kau rasa
Melepaskan kau pergi
Hati yang terluka
Dikunjung jua
Kerinduan yang tidak tertanggung
Terhadap mu

Sesungguhnya ku tahu betapa sukar untuk ku
Menempuh hidup walau sehari tanpa mu
Ku terseksa

.

* tiru cik inah nya style. :D hik hik hik
* in time. in due and appropriate time. certain things will come to an end. even true love. is it?
*dah jawab dah sumer komen.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

i wanna write this ..

don't know why but this past one week i stumbled so many times about this .. men are strong physically but women are stronger emotionally.

thot i wanna talk about it tapi later lah ya .. tader masa aa skrg :D

of the things i should not do.

masa wat blood test ari tu dokter ada tanya gak .. "dlm famili history ada family member kene kanser?".
"errr ... tader" jawab pak cik pantas. mestikah dokter bertanya sedemikian? wat saspens jek. at the end the doctor did not get the lab to run the screen test for cancer. tapi sebenarnya sebelum itu pak cik ada gak berkira-kira mungkinkah kanser one of the possibility? lung cancer? colone cancer? nauzibillah ..
when the result came out i was kinda relief that that everiting are basically ok. tho i was mentally prepared for anything worst. i still remember the last time i did the medical check up the doctor asked me "why your cholesterol level is so low?" he was puzzled. i do monitor things that i eat. so much so there are a lots of things that i didn't take and a lots that i control. such as no ice and preferably no cold things, minimum intake of red meats, even last time i tried not to take oily foods and only recently i was a bit relax about it. and i do takes a lots of egg including the yolk. almost every meals mesti ada telur.
due to the wbc that a bit high, the doctor prescribe me with a two weeks long of antibiotics. the rest is up to me to do the sexercise that i have abandoned quite a while. hopefully i can start by this evening.
mentally stress? perhaps. as i can't slept last nite. even dah menguap2. at last kol 3 lebeh baru lelap. and i cursed myself cause terlupa about the sleeping pills. mebbe i shud just accept the fact that i needed the pill in order to get gud sleep. tapi takut nanti jadi junkies lak ;)) huhuhuhu

.

'things happen cause there are reasons to it. so i told myself. are they?'

Monday, November 26, 2007

Bulan, Bintang dan Malam.

sejak azali agak nya .. pak cik memang 'idup' waktu malam. setakat nak berjaga merayau2 ... elok jek mata segar bugar. terang benderang. tapi kalo merayau waktu siang tu .. malas betul. panasssss ... rasa mcm nak cair jek. *mintak maap kalo tampak seperti putera lilin lak* :)) ekekeke.

pak cik dah baik skit skrg ni. alhamdulillah. blood test ari tu ok jek sumer. kolesterol, darah, tyroid, hepatitis, ghout, urine tes etc etc ...sumer ok. just that wbc/rbc (white blood cell) a bit high indicating an infection. *something infected the blood than the white cells been generated and mobilised to wrest the infection*. sib baik .. kalo tak the doctor wanna rule pak cik as 'mentally stress'. amik ko .... bila dokter and isteri pak cik tanya pasal ni .. pak cik senyap jep sambil sengih2. 'kalo lah pak cik bleh bercerita ... tapi biarlah rahsia. dah biasa pak cik nanggung sorang2.'.

pak cik agak kebizian skrg ni. dengan tak sehat nya asik mc jek. ngan ulang alik gi sepital. tadi cuti pun kene panggey dtg opis jap. oleh itu mintak maap kalo pak cik banyak tak jawab komen and anta messej atau komen. kalo ada masa terluang nanti .. pak cik usahakan.

errr .. have to go. last word ... malam tadi sini tak ujan. bulan penuh besau terang benderang. sempat gak pak cik menjeling ke langit masa sibuk bawak kete ke hulu ke hilir. kejar sana kejar sini. :D

.

jika kau lihat
aku berbicara sendirian
usah khuatir dan gusar
kau tolehlah ke awan
aku bicara dengan bulan
kau tanyalah bintang
yang menyaksikan.

masih kau ingin bertanya
mengapa aku merindu bulan?

Sunday, November 25, 2007

This Nite.

looking to the sky
i saw a full moon tonite
didn't notice any stars
are they sparkling or twinkling?
the moonlight is so captivating
and it make me ponder
is there any soul on earth
looking at the same moon
this same time
and thinking about me?

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Tidakkah Kau Tahu?

berkali-kali
dia menitis air mata
teresak-esak meluahkan
kepedihan hati.

matanya dan hatinya
yang menangis
namun setiap kali juga
hati ini turut merasa
sakit yang amat.

hati nya
adalah hati ku
namun diberinya
pada orang lain.

.

'haven't you knew? haven't you realized? attachment shall bring you sorrow?'

Thursday, November 22, 2007

siapa lah yang sudi ...

pak cik suka makan cendol pulut yang biasa nya di jual di tepi jalan. makan di bawah pohon kayu di tepi longkang. kadang-kadang berdiri. kadang-kadang duduk di bangku yang di sediakan. siapa lah yang sudi menemankan ya?
pak cik suka makan kari kepala ikan. di ulamkan dengan hirisan bawang. lauk sampingan ayam goreng atau daging kari. sayuran nya ikutlah menu yang tersedia. biasalah .. kedai mamak sahaja yang menyajikan yang terbaik. samada di restoran yang panas dan hamis atau di bawah pokok di tepi lot-lot rumah kedai. siapakah yang sudi bersama makan berebut-rebut?
pak cik suka makan kebab daging. daging yang dipanggang dan dihiris2. digaulkan dengan campuran sayuran dan pelbagai sos dan mayonis. dikapitkan ditengah2 kepingan roti ban. rasanya enak sekali. siapa yang sudi bersama berasak2 dipasar malam membelinya dan makan sambil berjalan atau duduk di bahu jalan?

.

*kene benti dulu menaip. meleleh lak air liur ni ...*

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Kalau Kau Tahu ..

'walau patah sayap, bertupangkan paruh, aku melangkah jua' .. si burung yang tersungkur berbisik menguatkan semangat. tanpa di sedari, ada sepasang mata, mengintai2 dari semak berhampiran. si kucing hanya menunggu masa untuk menerkam.

.

in this life, we are trying to do our best to overcome the hurdle that cross our path, to outdo the adversity which complicating our ways. little we know about what others plan and actions install for us. still we trying to reassure ourselve that everything will be ok. and once we have done our best, still we meet with failure, but at least we can smile coz we know we have put all our efforts at best.
"die trying"

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Sepi ..

yang mana kau pilih? sepi sendirian atau bersama seseorang tetapi masih kesepian?

and when you are lonely, what wud you do to get a company? will you settle for a person less than what you sexpected or hopeful for? or will you wait and wait and drown in your loneliness until your desired person come along?

if you are with somebody but still you feel lonely, what will you do? will you break loose and risk being alone? will you dare to part way and risk to another game of finding someone better as companion?

sorry, just mumbling in my loneliness :D

.

dalam lena yang payah ku dapat
bidadari datang menjelma
tapi kesejukan mengejutkan aku
meragut mimpi itu pergi
terkebil-kebil aku
mengenang bidadari tanpa wajah
dan jauh di sudut hati
i wish it was you.

sejenak.

meh pak cik nak kongsi sedikit pendapatan pak cik yang tak seberapa ni.
kebiasaan selepas memasak, pak cik akan kemas dapur sekemas2 nya. bukan setakat kembali seperti asal, malah lebih baik dari asal. pinggan mangkuk tapis pisau senduk sudip sudu lesung kuali periuk akan pak cik basuh. dapur di bersihkan. botol2 dan bahan2 memasak yang berbaki akan di simpan molek2. dan sebagai nya lagi.
kebiasaan juga, sesudah masak hidangan, pak cik akan terus letak atas meja makan. belom di saji lagi untuk anak2 dan bini pak cik. biar depa amik bau dulu. pak cik akan mengemas di dapur dahulu. rasanya ramai para tukang masak para ibu2 yang berbuat demikian.
akan tetapi kalau semua dah kebulur, aktiviti mengemas akan di tangguhkan. hidangan akan di saji dan terus di makan bersama-sama.
cuma pemerhatian pak cik yang agak rabun ini, bukan sekali dua pak cik di jemput makan ke rumah seseorang. berbuka puasa contoh nya. banyak kali juga pak cik dibiarkan makan sendirian di meja makan manakala tuan rumah sibuk mengemas di dapur. ada juga sampai pak cik habis makan, belom sesiap nya tuan rumah mengemas dapur. sesedap mana pun masakan, kalau terpaksa makan sensorang, tawar dan sejuk jek rasa nya makanan itu. lebih baik pak cik makan kat kedai mamak. ada gak mamak tu kenkadang temankan pak cik makan :D hik hik hik.
bukan nya pak cik minta di layan di meja makan. di tambah nasi dan di ceduk kan lauk. di suap atau di lap kan mulut. cuma pak cik merasakan pak cik harus di temani. tidak salah bukan?

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Halwa Tekak.

pak cik dah lama tak sehat sebenarnya. dah berminggu. flu yang menyerang pak cik masih kukuh bertahan menakluk kesihatan pak cik. seiring dengan itu, seperti org yang dah nak mati agak nya, selera pak cik mula lah macam orang perempuan yang mengandung. gatal nak makan itu. gatal nak makan ini. cuma pak cik bernasib baik .. kemaruk makan pak cik itu tidak lah seteruk mana. dan pak cik hanya tergerak untuk memasak sendrik.
justeru itu pak cik kembali memulakan aktiviti memasak. sedikit demi sedikit.
dua tiga hari lepas, pak cik gi kedai runcit seperti biasa. terpandang lak udang harimau dan udang yang besar2 tu. terasa gatal tekak nak makan. pak cik pun pilih dalam 10 ekor, bayar harga dia balik rumah terus masak. goreng ngan garlic butter. pas tu campak hirisan bawang besar ngan bawang putih.
malam tadi ingat nak masak. setelah balik shopping dari giant beli daging ngan salad, pak cik terus ke dapur. tetiba lampu dapur lak terkelip-kelip macam lampu disko. terbantut cecita pak cik.
petang tadi pak cik balik awal. selepas menonton citer dragon ball, pak cik pun ke dapur memasak. hasil nya ... sebiji telur goreng mata kerbau, telor dadar, sup daging dan daging goreng lada hitam. lepas mengemas dapur, terus makan anak beranak.
kalau rajin malam nanti, pak cik akan masak puding roti ngan coklat krimnya. dah lama tak buat. feveret anak pak cik si 'ayid tu.
pas ni kene mula balik selak2 resepi2 yang simpel2 dan mudah2. dan kene blaja lagi mcm mana nak carik bahan2 memasak yang pelik2 nama nya.
esok nak masak apa lak ekk? nak cuba lah buat nasi goreng cina di bungkus dengan telur .. macam telor bistik tu?
jadik tak jadik blakang citer. janji mesti mencuba.

Halwa Tinger.

current repeated playlist pak cik yang terdapat dalam thumbdrive untuk mp3 player dlm kete, antara folder2 yang ada :

Folder 1 :

1. nickel back - if everyone cared
2. mary j blige - take me as i am
3. the cranberries - i miss you when you'r gone
4. chinese - love of a life time
5. chinese - zhi yao wei ni huo yi tian

arabic 1

1. Elissa - Hobak Waga3
2. Elissa - Meen Beyloom
3. Sherien - 3ala Baly
4. Hoda Hadad - Alby Elly Kan
5. Asala Nasri - Arod Leeh

Various 1

1. Fergie - Glamarous
2. Alicia Key - No One
3. Britney Spears - Gimme More
4. Fergie - Big Girl Don't Cry
5. Gwen Stefanie - 4am In the morning
6. Justin Timberlake - Lovestoned
7. James Blunt - 1973
8. James Blunt - Cry
9. Nightwish - Eva
10. Oasis - Wonderwall
11. Ungu - Tercipta Untuk ku.

Lain2 folder adalah lagu2 arab yang lain, lagu2 rap 50 cents & eminem dan tak di lupakan koleksi lagu2 gothic dan metal :D. mcm my colleague komen .. "tak pernah aku jumpa orang yang sumer leh masuk nih. mcm2 jenis lagu ko ada". ala .. tu blom lagi masuk lagu2 jepun, tamil, soprano lagik ;)) hik hik hik.

Tapi sebenarnya dah buhsan gak dengan lagu2 nih. ada tak yang fresh nyer?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Retro : The Irony.

sexcited plak budak2 ni bila pak cik citer pasal ehem ehem. :p
sebenarnya ehem ehem dah tinggalkan pak cik. dia nak kawen tak lama lagi. seminggu lepas raya ari tu ehem ehem broke that news to pak cik. yup .. it have been a while. but the truth is there so much to tell. but pak cik simply dunno how to put them into words. perhaps pak cik don't have the time yet. perhaps pak cik cudn't find the rite time. or perhaps the rite time shall never appear. tak pe lah. pak cik telan sendiri lah sumer pahit duka tu. life is like that. shit happened. but in my life it happened too many times. :D
entry di bawah hanyalah ingin menunjukkan bahawa banyak entri dan tulisan mengenai ehem ehem sejak dari bulan February this year, indirectly or directly. cuma tak dapat pak cik nak citer banyak-banyak.
owh ya .. pak cik on mc for two days including for today. the flu that refused to go away for weeks hit me very badly last sunday. got a stereoid jab yesterday. and this morning have to take my dad to hospital for check up. ever since he was discharged from the hospital last week he is not that healthy with frequent headache, sweating and etc etc. when his blood pressure was very low the doctor (GP) advised for him to get further check up at hospital. the doctor at GH basically just reduced the dose of his medication. now we just have to see whether will it work.
pak cik is in the office now .. just to see few urgent things including one away meeting that i thot is tomorrow but turn out to be next week.
have to leave shortly, ache at my back and my thigh is killing me. can't sleep last nite. too many things in my head. tho the doctor say the flu pills prescribed to be taking at nite can induce drowsiness and sleepyhead, but as usual ... terkebil2 jugak sudah nya. ampeh jek. was looking forward for that sleepiness to come to effect. alas .. nothing. ampeh again ..

.

'struggle ... struggle ... strugle. tired aaaa ....'

Friday, November 09, 2007

Retro : Preludium II.

bila mata enggan lena
waktu berlalu berhengsot-hengsot
seiring mata yang terkebil-kebil
.
jika mata dipejam
waktu yang berdetik satu-satu
bergema dan bergaung
di lubuk hati
yang sepi
.
aku rindu
.

words by mz ; 02/03/07.

Narrative :
secara tidak sengaja, beberapa bulan lalu, ehem ehem terbaca blog pak cik. dan ehem ehem pernah menyuarakan mengapa tiada posting mengenai beliau? mengapa tiada sajak terhasil untuk nya?
pak cik hanya senyum sahaja.
kadang-kadang sesetengah perkara adalah lebih baik tidak terucap. walaupun pak cik tak tahu adakah itu yang terbaik? tidak mengucapkan apa yang tersirat di lubuk hati.
bait-bait kata-kata di atas sebenarnya adalah untuk ehem ehem. waktu yang sama pak cik melagukan lagu Take That's 'Patience' di dalam hati.
pak cik tak tahu samada ehem ehem dapat membaca entri ini atau tidak. pada beliau, pak cik minta maaf, banyak yang tersimpan di dalam hati dan tak terucap. bukan maksud pak cik untuk menyembunyikan apa-apa, tapi ntah lah. panjang citernya ...

original entry :

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

i wish ..

i wish i cud pen down my twisted story/problem here. then perhaps i need the inputs from the readers on how to solve the problem. or give some advise on it. but perhaps i already know what i shud do with it. just that i am unable to do it?
perhaps the reason y i didn't pen it down yet mebbe i will not be able to tell all. kene gak senset mana2. but kalo dah senset tu tak besh lah kan? what gud of any advise if the advisor actually can't and do not see the whole story/problem? twisted lak jadi nya advise tu. tak berguna se sen pun. jual scrap pun x leh. isn't it?
as favourite quote goes .. sendri cari pasal sendri setel la! is it?

rengkasan ...

this moring i went to the construction site for our new office building. we are selling the other land adjacent to it. an interested buyer wanna take a look at the land. alang2 pak cik tgk skalik construction site tu. talking to the site supervisor as well as our rep. there.

back to the office then i am started not feeling well, again. shoot ... the flu refused to go away. it's been weeks now. obat pun dah abis. malas nak gi amik obat. just amik vitamin supplement jek. was planning to buy meats at Giant, leh la pak cik masak sup daging malam nanti.

in the office received a nasty email from the boss. abis mood pak cik .... ampes jek.

lunch time pak cik rushed home. amik obat .. lebehkurang mcm pain killer. lps makan kat umah (tapau lauk dari kedai) sambil borak2 ngan anak2 pak cik, pak cik rushed back to office.

owh ya .. on the way home tadi got a call from ayah pak cik, he was discharged today. he was about to go home when he called. alhamdulillah ... hopefully his abnormal bp (bllod pressure) is being correctly ratify by the doctor.

then was busy at office. banyak gak la keje settle ari ni.

went home around 6.30 pm.

shoot .. terforgot that i need to go to Giant to buy groceries ..

owh .. my new handphone failed me again today .. this time i am thru with it. got to find a new one. any donor?

Monday, November 05, 2007

Lonely.


lihatlah
awan mendung itu
langit yang kelam itu
laut yang suram itu
dan alam yang semakin gelap
cukup luas terbentang dan terhampar.

aku
amat kerdil sekali
entah berapa lama lagi
mampu berdiri
mengharung semuanya
sendiri.

Merapu ... (again)

nobody know
nobody care
about my dream


dreaming! all they would say
then i keep the dream
all to myself


nobody know
nobody care
then i am dreaming
all my dream


dreaming my dream
then nobody know
then nobody care
about my dream.

Dreaming again ..

Someone was asking, how could we tell a lie without feeling guilty about it. I don't have an answer for it no matter how hard i knock my head. cause to me doesn't matter how noble the intention is, lie is still a lie and nobody likes to be lied.

Then i was thinking, if we could not clear the guilt why should we lie?

i talk too much i think ... who would want to read a blog about moral anyway. it is just that i am wondering would there be a day when nobody will lie ..

.

"If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied"

- nickelback's 'if everyone cared'

Saturday, November 03, 2007

raging bull ..

pak cik have to travell between shah alam n kl now visiting my father at hkl. dah la x cukup tido lately. tubuh pak cik terasa penat dan letih. tangan dan lutut pun dah shaky. makan plak agak terbiar skit. asik masuk angin jek. sampai kekadang mcm kene cirit birit lak.
not sure what is the feeling currently occupy myself. but one of it must be rage. tadi kat sepital pak cik tgh khusyuk tgk tibi. citer kung fu bersiri hong kong. tetiba dtg sorang pesakit tu, balik dari toilet atau jalan2 mana ntah, senang2 jek dia tukar channel tibi tu. angin pak cik. tapi sabo je lah kan. walo pun pas tu dia gi kat katil dia baring dan lelapkan mata. apa motif dia tukar channel tibi tu tadi? gatal tangan?
tak lama kendian pak cik khusyuk lak tengok citer movie lama kungfu hongkong. tetiba dtg anak pesakit tadi yang ntah dari mana dtg nya, dia tukar lak channel lain. ini sudah lebih!! tapi pak cik sabau lagik. tapi hati dah panas nih. dalam hati dah panjang dah skrip maki hamun pak cik susun. kalo pak cik meletup kang .. macam air je lah kuar ayat2 maki hamun tu. bapak borek anak rintik! pas tu elok jek dia borak2 ngan mak dia. panasss!!
"ibai! ko pergi tukar channel tibi tu" arah pak cik pada anak lelaki pak cik yang tua. si ibai kelihatan serba salah.
"tukar je!!!" pak cik bersuara keras. biar si bapak borek dan si anak rintik dan ahli2 keluarga mereka yang lain tu dengar. kalo brani jawab .. tengok la apa jadik kang. sib baik depa diam jek. kalo tak .. gerenti haru biru. peristiwa satu ramadhan pasti akan berulang ...
pak cik pun memandu agak laju sekarang nih ... laju sesangat ...
tak leh jadik nih. pak cik kene gi berkhalwat mana2 kut. zikir banyak2. orang cakap tak elok marah2 ..

MeRaPu.

I

tiba-tiba teringat suatu ketika dulu
pada pasiran pantai terdampar
diusap ombak laut silih berganti
dan tabir malam berlabuh
setelah mentari terbenam di kaki langit
kau dan aku pernah bersama di situ.

malam yang gelap pekat ketiadaan bulan
mimpi pun enggan bertandang
serentak waktu yang berdetik satu persatu
aku membilang memori kita dahulu.

setelah ketiadaan mu
mengapa masa berlalu begitu perlahan?
diselimuti rasa kedukaan dan kekosongan
malam yang suram ini terasa panjang.

pantai dan laut tak kan terpisah
walau angin tak bertiup seribu tahun
tatkala pasiran terasa resah
ombak pun datang menderu-deru
tapi aku yang digamit rindu
pada siapa harus aku mengadu?

II

usah kau datang mendekat
aku sedang menyanyi
lagu sendu.

III

begitu payah mengorak langkah
sendirian mengharung arus duka
adakah aku sebatang kara?

IV

pada purnama pungguk bersumpah
rindu membara tak kan terpadam
selagi mentari masih tetap pergi
menggamit malam.

V

lagu ini lagu rindu
tapi hati berdetik ingin tahu
besar manakah dosa lalu
sialnya nasib saban waktu.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

apdet ..

dalam kesibukan mengejar masa ... kerja2 seharian di opis, diskusi dengan rakan sekerja, mesyuarat2, tetiba datang satu 'es em es' "ayah admitted masuk ward ...".

cepat2 pak cik buat apa yang patut di opis seblom berangkat ke rumah mak ayah pak cik. terkezut mak pak cik bila dapat berita itu.

ayah pak cik pergi ke HKL untuk pemeriksaan kesihatan nya seperti yang di jadualkan. ntah kenapa tekanan darah nya kali ini begitu luar biasa tinggi nya .. terpaksalah doktor di sana tahan beliau masuk ward. di khuatiri keadaan nya akan memudaratkan jika tidak di awasi dan diberi perhatian.

esok pula mak pak cik pula harus ke hospital sungai buluh untuk rutin pemeriksaan kesihatan beliau. harap2 dan mudah2an tiada apa yang luar biasa.

.

minta maaf, sexperiment blog pak cik akan kekal sebagai private. isi kandungan nya 18 sx dan penuh dengan 'twisted' stories. elok lah kekal sebagai diari pak cik sahaja. tu pun blom apdet2 lagi ... kesibukan sedikit. tambah tader mood. tambahan lagi pak cik terlupa 'diya' factor! kene ubah ke site lain nampak nya ..

.

aku memberi
tanpa mengharapkan balasan
jika sudi
hulurlah tangan mu dengan ikhlas
akan ku sambut
dan ku belai penuh harap dan syukur

andai tidak terdetik sedikit hasrat
simpanlah tangan dan hati mu
untuk pria pilihan.

aku hanya ingin
punya teman
yang menjaga hati ini
seperti mana juga aku
walau mati menjadi galang ganti.

Dear Mother Dear Father.

forgive me
your son
for failing you again
and again.

forgive me
your prodigol son
for letting you down
yet again.

forgive me
your ungrateful son
for going against you
this one time.

forgiveness is all i ask
but yet i seek.

I Who Is Ungrateful.

i cry in front of You
for these injustice
inflicted on me.

yet i dare not
call You injustice
perhaps You are doing
justice on me.

injustice
i have done to You
once too many
thus justice
i dare not to call.

i cry
for these injustice
justice me.

Mystical ..

it is sunny day
bright and vibrant
the birds are chirping merrily
the plant and flowers
dancing while soaking the ray
all creatures
happily doing their own chores.

under the bridge
a junky lie motionless
he just had his final
heavenly jab of joy.