When The World Is Tumbling and Falling.

the past few weeks has been very difficult. and honestly i don't see things are going to change in the near future. still no lite at the end of the tunnel.

but life must go on. and somehow i find my schedules very hectic with a lot of things that needs my attention and action. even to visit my mom pun i only managed to do it once last Friday nite. office works need to be attended to. especially my colleagues depend on me. if i don't perform most likely their performance rating would be affected one way or another. and my kids, they still need my attention. especially my 4 1/2 years old third son. he must have a difficult time of his life which is why he is a bit naughty and agressively lately. last nite i told my wife to understand him a bit better. he used to be the youngest member in the family who got all the attention and love. and all of sudden with the arrival of his younger brother all of it changed. he is probably wonder why he suddenly did not get all the attentions that he used to but his younger brother. alas he is very patient with his little bro in terms of physical reaction tho he did pinch his lil bro ears sometimes and not sharing his toys with him but ultimately he will when i or his mom asked him to. i know how he feel. i lived that life before. my wife is not well at the moment and i have to do things that she used to do. there i was in the kitchen as a cook. good for me. at last a push that make me do my own old wishes.

there are so many things to do. and my head is simply kennot think straight at the moment. i am lucky that all the things that i did so far have not gone far off then the mark. so far no silly accident eithet at home or outside. i guess probably i did everything slowly without rushing them. no matter how many the list of things to do, i tried to do them one by one on my own best possible time and effort. and then pray everything would be turned ok.

and after a long day, i am looking forward to spend time on my own. alone in bed with a pda and my recently bought poems collection book.

and one thing that i have to sacrificed is my time to do my planned exercised. what to do. it has to be put aside for a while until i can manage everything well and plan my schedule again.

i heard a saying that keep urself busy to forgo the pain or the torrid mind. i used to believe in that statement but somehow this time around it doesn't work. every step of the ways i walk with my mind on that one subject. even in everythings i do. but still i can't figure what shud i do. the more i put a thot into it the more my mind become numb and number.

slowly i walk thru this storm. may my sanity keeping checked whenever i spend my time alone on my own before i closed my eyes. and when sleep is hard to come by there i was scribbling on my pda. as my youngest2 1/2 years son saying it "tekan, tekan, tekan ..." when he playing the games with it.