Saturday, July 14, 2007

Obsession.

i wasn't a good son before. not to suggest that i am a good one now. but when i was schooling and live at boarding school, at the age of 14, my wild life begins.

wild life and parents doesn't come in good synergies. how to tell a parents that i am not returning home but doing stuff they most likely won't permit nor sanction? lies after lies than started to come from my mouth.

it all goes on and on till i almost flop in my studies. not a so good result in spm put me in depression. still it doesn't deter me from the life i was embraced at that time.

a break show itself when i received an offer to further my study at sekolah tinggi mara. i wasn't interested but my sister persuasion on my mom's will and wish, i agreed. then i determine to start a new life. i determine to obtain my parents' trust. i determine not to tell lies ever.

i thot i managed to do just that. i have never troubled my parents again. they were never be called by any authorities again as a result of my miss-adventures. event after diploma i even managed not to trouble my parents financially. they do support me but i keep it very minimal.

but it was then. now am starting to re-evaluate the concept of lies and honesty. probably i am very obsessed wity my old primitive and outdated concept. there probably a new contemporary concept of lies and honesty.

probably i need to study the concept of "i lied to you because i don't want to offend ur feelings. i dont want you to feel sad. is it wrong for me to do that. is ist wrong for me to love you that way?". what was the lies is all about? for she to go out with other guy(s) so called friends including goes shopping, watching movies etc etc. this is not the first time i encounter this. not even a second time or third time.

probably i am very primitive and out dated. would i interested to change into a new me?

pondering ....

2 Comments:

Blogger sayda said...

sometimes we just need to break our own heart and feeling to accommodate others. but that is life kan?

*sigh

11:22 AM  
Blogger MZ said...

yeah .. but it all got its limits and boundaries. when it crossed i guess it is time to call it a day. afterall ... bukankah kita juga berhak untuk bahagia?

12:12 PM  

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