On Suicidal Mode ...

things are not good lately. from bad to worst? that would be little compared to what happened to be honest.

i am a person who despise being caught in a quarrel. yet i let myself into it. and then said things that i shudn't say. i cursed myself after that.

i love to describe myself as a patient man. yet that day all hell broke loose and i lost my temper ... my children become a victim of my suddenth quick hand. i cursed myself heavily fater that.

my health are not in a good shape. yet am not sure what it is. probably the tonsil again. but i didn't do much to correct it by losing my sleep, getting my body 'overdoit' thus exhausted and fatigue. i breath heavily.

am doing a lot of things i shouldn't be doing. the repurcussion if any one of it become a public knowledge .. are beyond imagination.

i am not just losing my sleep now. am losing my life as well.

sometimes i wonder why my prayer not being answered yet? or is it i haven't prayed often and regular enuff. i haven't done enuff to show i need them badly?

.

"i never had my dreams come true ...."