Sendiri.

mentari telah pun berlabuh
nun di hujung kaki langit
camar juga telah pulang
ke sarang di kaki bukit
langit yang cerah kini merah
berbalam-balam menjadi gelap.

malam ini tiada bulan
tiada juga bintang
dalam samar dan dalam sunyi
hanya desiran ombak sepanjang malam
menemani aku yang keseorangan.

.

nak balik melaka sat gi. untuk beberapa hari. ada keramaian. happy new year all. jumpa di tahun hadapan!

apdet seciput ...

pak cik sebenarnya on leave. bukan gi holiday ya. tapi banyak urusan peribadi dan famili. kene lari sana sini. sekolah, kampung d n9, kampung d melaka, bank, sekejap2 opis lak tipon, kalo setakat colleague je takper, ni tidak .. bos yang kol. haru betui. kene gak singgah atau datang ke opis sain dokumen2. harus begini sampai sekolah buka semula.

letih aaaa cenggini. tapi nak wat camner kan ...

.

"ombak yang menghempas ke pantai
buih-buih yang hanyut ke laut
pasir-pasir yang berubah-rubah
demikianlah hati mu
mahu lepas bebas
sedang engkau enggan dimiliki"

Kalau Kau Tahu ..

kalau kau tahu
betapa hati ini merindu ...
kalau kau tahu
bagaimana dalamnya kasih ku ini ...
kalu kau tahu
sakit dan pedih hasil perbuatan mu itu ...

dan aku tahu
yang sebenarnya
kau tahu ...

.

slept at 9.00 pm last nite after meals and swallowed the sleeping pill. but woke up around 2.10 am. sighhhh ... at least 'House' on screen to accompany me. and cudn't sleep after that ... sighhh *see ... i told you the pill won't do me any good*

Happy Holiday ...

yeahh .. happy holiday all. :D

and to me .. i am tired. deadly tired. sexhausted! all am thinking now is to go home shortly, take a bath, have some meal and swallow the sleeping pill. i need my sleep badly ...

.

*have you read the health column in the New Sunday Times by M Rajen which have been featured weekly. last three weeks about primitive diet .. last two week about omega 3 i think and last weekend about sleep! it was his advice on diet and nutrition that i based on when i started my diet. not entirely proper as his advice tho ...*

Satu Persoalan Menyiksa Diri.

tika senja menjelang tiba
pantai pun semakin sepi
ditinggalkan pengunjung yang beransur pulang
satu demi satu.

tika suasana sunyi itu
terdengarlah bunyi desiran ombak
yang mampir bersilih ganti
mengusap pasiran pantai.

tika itu kau berjanji
akan menjadi ombak
setia menemani pantai setiap setiap masa
dan bukan sekadar pengunjung
yang pergi bersama mentari.

tika mentari terbit di esok pagi
pengunjung kembali berduyun-duyun
tiba-tiba aku telah kau lupai
janji terlerai tak ditepati.

tika kau menjadi pantai
mudah lupa diri
inginkah aku menjadi pengunjung
mementingkan diri sendiri
atau manjadi ombak itu
setia membuta tuli?

.

"i believe there is true love out there
waiting for me,
it is just currently far away
maybe on another galaxy"

.

answer for the 3 golden questions below without further sexplanation (brief jek udah la ya for the time being) :
a) now
b) whoever currently with you
c) care

3 Golden Question.

Lets see whether you guys/gals can answer this :

1. When is the most important times?

2. Who is the most important person?

3. What is the most important thing to do?

:D

Wanna try your luck?

best wishes!!

orang kata mender elok tak perlulah di tangguh-tangguhkan. dan sementara teringat sebelum terlupa, sementara berdaya seblom tak upaya, pak cik mengucapkan selamat ari raya eidul adha kepada semua rakan2, pembaca, pelawat yang beragama islam. selamat menghayati pengertian 'korban'. selamat bercuti dan ketika berjalan-jalan pulang dan melawat sanak sedara rakan taulan.

- salam pelok shium -

Mengapa?

pernah berdoa dan berharap agar sesuatu terjadi? dan apabila sesuatu itu yang di doakan dan harapkan terjadi, kita merasa sedih dan sukar menerimanya. walaupun cukup sedar yang terjadi itu adalah yang terbaik untuk kita. justeru itu kita menghadapi kesukaran untuk meneruskan kehidupan dengan perubahan yang terjadi itu.

apa yang harus di perbuat?

.

"flame to dust, lover to friend
why do all good things come to an end?" - nelly furtado

Di Musim Tengkujuh Ini. Bahagian Tiga.

"hujan yang turun bagaikan mutiara
bersinar berkilau berkelipan"
- sedutan lagu allahyarham sudirman hj arshad kalo tak silaps

banyak sebenar nya lagu2 berkisarkan hujan. begitu juga dengan puisi-puisi dan sajak-sajak yang terhasil mengenai hujan dan bertemakan hujan. barangkali ketika hujan si pengkarya ketiadaan aktiviti lain untuk di buat melainkan termenung, maka terbitlah idea-idea dan ilham-ilham mengenai hujan. sepertimana masyarakat arab dahulu di katakan amat bijak menghasilkan sajak2, puisi2 dan lagu2 yang indah dan kreatif. lebih2 lagi tentang malam, bulan dan bintang. adalah kerana ketika malam, langit di padang pasir cukup jelas terbentang memperlihatkan bintang-bintang bertaburan dan bulan yang mengambang. dan padang pasir yang gersang, senyap dan sunyi membolehkan mereka menumpukan perhatian agar lebih kreatif dan berseni. kunun nya lah ...

.

"engkau tiba bagaikan pelangi
tak bercahaya namun kau berseri
tapi cukup menghiburkan
hati ini ..."
-sedutan lagu gak :D

Why?

we always say that we scarifice for our love, for our loved ones. be it our lover, wife or husband, kids, relatives, closed frens etc etc. but is it the case?

the truth is we sacrifice for the good cause. because it is the rite things to do. because of the truth. not because of someone or somebody or certain group or even our own selve.

nabi ibrahim willing to scarifice his beloved son by following the God's order. is it because he love the God more? is it because he know he must abide the God's order and believe Him totally cause He is the almighty that fair, compassion and surely His order bear the good and benefits that most of the times we the mortal can't see.

and what is the good cause? what is the rite things to do? this is where we always fail over and over. most of the times we put our priority first beyond others. some put others' priority before hers/his. which one is really the right things?

some say we must look at the larger picture. put the test to the whole objective or the long run. short term benefits and goals shouldn't compromise the future or the longer and the whole objective of any issue/matter.

but anything that may put our soul at ease and peace without any guilt, most likely is the right choice. or is it?

.

"for the love of God ..."

Remembrance.

actually i got a lot of things to story. a lot. about lies, betrayal, sacrifies, torn love, happy life, sorrow, philosophy, kids, family, people, a chat with God, bla bla bla ...

but here i just wanna remember a cat that once we a family have back then, 10 years ago i think. thanks to azra blog entry that trigger the memory.

our cat, male one (same with azra i think :D) looks exactly like hers as well. and we call him 'puteh'. he got all the attention from my family members especially my sisters and my mom. probably becoz he wasn't that wild but very tamed and 'soft'. but that doesn't stop him from adventuring outside and flirt with other female cat. and one thing that troubled us is when other female cat came to our house and making noise at the door step. and puteh also making noise cause he wanna get out meeting with his date. mind you ... it was at wee hour. and another setback for him is that he is not as stronger as other local and street cat. thus he was always at the receiving end. cut, hurt and blooded when he came home. so many times we have to take him to the vet.

as u know, when cats about to die, they will make a disappearance act. same with puteh. days after he was gone, my sisters still shed their tears. he was the last cat that we ever kept dearly.

.

"it is a blessed to have something special. but even harder to let it go"

on my own at last ..

today was a very the very tiring day. i didn't sleep at all last nite. and i was doing something that exhausted my energy. as a result i cudn't sleep well in the morning. probably only managed to sleep for less than an hour. then my wife smsed that the baby is allowed to be discharged today. then i have to pack few things especially the baby and her clothes that i washed the other day. tidy up the house a bit. by mid noon i get my butt to the hospital.

parked my car at the hospital vicinity. then i have to buy baby diapers and maternity bra. last nite i cudn't find them. and the diapers for our second last son that i bought yesterday left at home. so i got to buy a new one. once done i drag my feet to the McD. "fillet o fish set with the drink switched to coffee" my typical order. been days i have these meals. as usual i ordered the medium or regular set. but perhaps i was a bit macho and frenly today, the girl gave me large coffee :D.

and the hospital bills was way beyond my expectation. almost RM2,000! then i have to stop at the atm. medical bills for a whole family this year alone probably now wayyyyyyy high .. more than RM7 or RM8 grand kut ...

once i have my meals and settled the bills .. off we go for balik kampung. i managed to drive constantly at 80 to 100 km. my wife didn't wear the seatbelt and having the baby on her laps. so i have to be super careful ...

reach at my mom in law around 3 something. all my kids were fast asleep. but my wife and my mom in law woke them up. managed to mingle with my kids before i lay my back on the floor trying to get some sleep that seems a bit difficult. too tired i guess. somehow managed to do just that.

woke up around 7 pm. after having meals and took my kids to the groceries store, then i drove back to shah alam. here i am at the office sticking my butt trying to do some stuff. it gonna be a hell of busy day tomorrow. few meetings as well as a quick run to the bank.

hopefully i can deliver much of the things tomorrow ...

.

"time changes everything? not entirely true. something that being done change them."

apdet seciput ..

pak cik agak bizi kebelakangan ni. manyak keje. manyak isu. manyak hal. manyak urusan. macam2 ada.

isteri pak cik selamat melahirkan anak ke lima, our fourth son. stengah jam dok dalam 'labour room' akhirnya baru selamat, dokter pun dah sebut 'caeser!'. darah pak cik pun dah naik ke kepala. skit lagi harus pitam pak cik :)) ekekekeke.

nama baby masih di pertimbangkan. calun2 nama adalah .. mohd zulkarnain, mohd zackaria, mohd zack. :D yang mana besh ya? silap2 dapat lak nama lain nanti.

tugas2 pak cik pun bertambah2. sesetengah nya pak cik dah terlupa :D tapi nak tak nak kene buat lah. seperti basuh pakaian baby (kene basuh tangan, tak leh basuh dengan mesin, org tua2 kata tak elok), kemas umah, basuh baju, memasak untuk anak2 dan si ibu, isk .. macam2 lah lagi. berlari ke sana-sini beli barang2 keperluan tu dah wajib lah. sopping kat giant atau memana beli 'pad' tu dah biasa. sat gi kene gi beli maternity bra laks ;)) huhuhuhu

pak cik dah konpem akan ke pulau pinang, bertolak pada pagi 19 hb dengan kereta 'chief listener' tu dan balik pada sebelah malan nya, flight kol 10 lebih. sapa nak anta ketupat n rendang penang utk pak cik kat airport? *projek ke siam tu pak cik ketepi kan buat masa ini. lenkali jek :D*

my sister getting married by end of December. a day before anak pak cik no. 3 harus ke sekolah untuk sesi suaikenal. memang sibuk lah gamak nya ujung bulan ni.

si baby pada masa ini kene jaundice so kene tahan di wad. insya'allah esok boleh balik. dah manyak malam dah kat sepital. pastu antar balik kampung. pak cik pun merdeka lah sekejap. :D boleh la pak cik konsentret ngan keje2 opis ... *kunun nya lah* :D

.

'in time of death ... everiting of your past will be flashed to your mind. will u shiver? or will u be smiling?'

Women Are Stronger Emotionally? Realising Actual Event.

in reference to my earlier entry on the same title, here is a real story on the matter. the first one. narrated by closed relatives. and as seen by own eyes.

a married guy wanna marry another one. the reasons and rationale doesn't really important. the lady to be wed refused to be a second wife. so is her mother. "if you wanna marry my doter, you better divorce your wife first" the 'mother-in-law to be' said to the guy.

the wife also refused to be 'madu'. she preferred to be divorced. she insist on it. so with some of her relative including her brother who himself have tried to marry another one. "it is better that you let my sister go before you marry another one" he said to the guy.

the guy tried to save his first marriage. tried not to divorce her existing wife. at the same time he wanted very much to have the lady as his wife, the second one.

at the end, as at now, the wife has been divorced. and he will getting marry on this coming eidul adha.

my thots that i kept in my head are :-

a) those who dare to mentioned the 'divorce' and insist on the guy to divorce the wife has acted wrongly and in bad judgement, doesn't matter what are their rationales and excuses.

b) if the lady asked the guy to divorce his first wife before marrying her, she is a cold hearted person. would you marry one?

c) anybody who rejected the 'madu' especially the existing wife without apparent and valid reasons is defying the Al-Mighty's clear 'hukum' on it.

.

"under the same tree where lot of sweet memories happened, i am watching you walk away"

Di Musim Tengkujuh Ini. Bahagian Dua.

hujan lebat di pedalaman
air sungai mengalir deras
menuju ke kuala.

airmata yang tumpah di pipi
meruntun hati yang pasrah
berserah pada ketentuan.

ros merah dan bunga kemboja
melitup tanah pusara yang basah
aku masih berteleku di sisi.

gelak tawa gurau senda
tinggal sebagai kenangan dan memori
saat sepi bermula kini.

.

"in the mournful silence i wept"

Di Musim Tengkujuh Ini. Bahagian Satu.

hujan turun mencurah-curah
tanpa henti berhari-hari
air sungai pun melimpah
dan alam menjadi gegak gempita
ada yang bertempiaran lari
menyelamatkan nyawa dan harta
ada yang melibur hati
bermain air berpesta gembira.

.

'one man's hell is another's heaven. but if you think you can built you happines on one's sorrow, by all means just do it. but be wary as what goes around do comes around one way or another. a curse or karma it is actually your doing.'

notes : sorry i am away. i shud be on leave still, but today and coming few days there are meetings that i need to present myself. probably won't have enuff time to visit others blog giving comments as well as reply to comments and messages here. sorry again but will do if time permit. shalam peluk shium* :D

* mcm besh jek :)) ahakz

women are stronger? emotionally ..?

there are a lot of comparison between man and woman, somehow, sometimes and by someone. with whatever the objectives and motives or simply just out of curiousity. for example during schooling some party was saying girls are much clever than the boys.

pak cik cuma terpanggil untuk membicarakan isu ini setelah terbaca mengenainya beberapa kali di dalam beberapa media cetak. cuma pak cik hanya tertarik untuk membincangkan nya secara relatif kepada isu yang pak cik pernah tertanya-tanya, iaitu mengapa hak poligami di berikan hanya kepada lelaki dan tidak kepada perempuan juga? adalah ia nya kerana faktor biologi atau fizikal atau kerana faktor emosi? adakah kerana faktor alam yang perempuan itu lebih ramai dari lelaki? adakah kerana perempuan secara emosi nya lebih kuat dan bijak menangani isu ini?

jika benar, mengapa pula hak untuk melafazkan cerai tidak di berikan kepada perempuan? ada juga terdengar jika hak tersebut turut di berikan kepada perempuan, ramailah duda dan janda di dunia ini.

jadi yang mana yang benar?

secara peribadi, pak cik berpendapat secara am nya, kaum hawa secara semulajadi telah di berikan kekuatan emosi. cuma ianya dalam bentuk kelembutan. bagaikan air sungai yang mengalir, bagaimana dan apa pun halangan yang ada di sepanjang perjalan nya, air sungai akan mengumpul kekuatan dan akan berjaya mengharungi halangan tersebut dan akhirnya sampai ke kuala dan ke laut.

terpulanglah. masing-masing punya pendapat sendiri. masing-masing punya takrifan sendiri. dan masing-masing punya cara yang berlainan.

ingin pak cik mengupas lebih lanjut. tapi .. pak cik bukan lah berilmu sangat. bukan nya arif. kabaret lah katakan. lagi pun tiada masa buat masa sekarang.

:D

.

"in order to conquer the world, one must leave it first"

Nocturnal Forlorn.

ada orang tanya pak cik, kalo windu dia pak cik wat per? pak cik jawab "tengok bulan". dan dia jawab .. kalo windu dia akan tengok langit, dan dia mencadangkan agar pak cik tengok awan. "tak bleh! orang yang ditinggalkan kene tengok bulan" jawab pak cik.

ever watch the moon carefully? ever watch it being abandoned by those clouds that marching away? and how the stars keep twinkling as if celebrating the moon's unfortune? and this is being repeated day by day or night by night. since ancient. since the ever existence of the universe. till eternity? and this cursed can only be lifted when the whole universe is destructed. talk about of being unlucky ...

at least we got to control our destiny. only if we act to get control of it.

"enuff is enuff"

.

forgotten realms under the moon

when the moon is full
the stars are shining bright
revealing the monument stone
in the garden of unholy ground

look onto the sky
hear the ravens cry
feel the nocturnal hyms of death
mournful silence echos through the night

within the void of grieve
behind the curtain of darkness
lurking the angle of death
tailing the dying tormented soul

lying in the shadow
in the place where roses die
read the bloodred engraved tombstone
'an angel stole my heart ..
... death took her away"

Tag! Jangan Tak Tag!

errr ... kena tag ngan dak kobisbulat. 7 perkara pelik mengenai pak cik. payah gak nak jawab nih. puas lah dok pikir2 apa yg pelik pasal pak cik nih :D. tak per aaaa. pak cik antam je lah :D
1. kalo demam tader selera makan, pak cik suka makan bubur nasi, atau roti bersandwichkan telur mata kerbau atau makan nasi berlauk kan mee goreng.
2. kalo demam atau sakit, pak cik tak ngadu kat sesaper. heret diri sendrik gi klinik amik obat.
3. pak cik sensitip ngan cuaca panas dan sejuk. kalo panas berpeluh2 siap leh sakit paler pas tu. kalo sejuk cuntuh nya dalam perpustakaan, menggigil lah gamak nya nanti.
4. pak cik tak suka pakai bedak. tak suka dressing. pakai t-shirt itam atau putih, suar jeans atau coldroy ngan sandal atau selipar dah la. :D
5. pak cik tak minum air batu atau yang sejuk2. di elak kan selalu.
6. pak cik tak baper gemar pakai jam tangan dan cincin. gelang atau rantai ok. sebab tak payah nak bukak2 masa amik air semayang ke .. nak mandi ke ..
7. pak cik tak baper suka tgk citer seram atau citer hantu. tak besh aaaaaa.

errr .. tambah lagik satu, dua dan tiga .. pak cik tak suka jalan2 waktu siang. panas! pak cik tak pandai bawak kete pelan2 masa jalan ada banyak kete. kalo jalan kusung bawak 60kmh pun ok jek .. pak cik suka makan pulut, suka makan nasi impit atau ketupat. pak cik suka makan satay atau pe2 tanpa kuah nya atau sos nya ..
cukup aaa tu. kang jadik mr freak lak kang :)) ahakz

jalan-jalan ... bahagian 2.

i got decision to make. raya aji ni nak raya d mana?

anak2 dan bini pak cik dah sure ada kat n9 time raya tu. cuma pak cik akan berada di penang pada 19 Disember. malam tu dan ari keesokkan nya, sepatut nya pak cik ke siam :D

ehem ehem kata nak ikut. but i don't think so. it wud be a lonely drive/or travel.

nak balik raya ke atau nak gi siam ke? kalo ikutkan ati, pak cik gi siam jek :D

jalan-jalan ..

been a while i have not gone to kl lepak2 in the nite and wee hours. been weeks? months? i lost count actually ..

was in keramat last Thursday nite, reached there around 9++ pm. then lepak with a gud fren of mine and his gelpren cum fiancee or wife to be. actually to collect the perfume from her, 'black code' for guy, my officemate ordered one. 75ml for RM180. pak cik sebenarnya meniaga minyak wangi gak part time and kecil2an. untuk kawan2 jek sapa yg nak murah nya. lepak2 almost 12pm then hurry back home.

last saturday nite i was back in kl. departed from home around 12 am. this time jalan2 carik dvd. destination desa setapak/section 2 wangsa maju and danau kota. was surprised to see the dvd/cd stall at section 2 is back in business. they have been closing for quite sometime when the cityhall/police install cctv around the area sometimes back. was browsing the music cd but can't find anything i like. probably because i was coming originally to buy movie dvd.

went back home around 3++ am. damage that nite was RM162.

owh yeah .. the other nite i passed by an accident. a pick up knocked down a motocyclist. the motorcyclist must have been dead as his/her body was covered by black plastic. as usual the place was crowded with public and police. and as usual also i just drove on, never stop by and have a look.

the incident kinda remind me that we live a short life really. thus we need to treasure people around us especially good frens and loved one(s). keep forgiving and leave no enemy. anything that happened just make it end in good note and any quarrel/arguments must be settled in good way and move on.

to those i have caused any inconvenience, injustice, unfairness whatsoever, i sincerely apologize. those been hurt with my action, words, writings ... please forgive me.

and those utang pak cik kenny rogers, ayam tandoori, eskrim, gambo ... cepat2 lah bayo ye :D tsk tsk tsk.

.

dalam hati ada rasa

dalam rasa ada harapan

dari harapan datanglah mimpi

dalam mimpi siapakah itu

melambai sambil tersenyum

dan menunduk malu.

Hati Yang Terluka. II.

i am choosing to be happy. from now on. as long as i can remember i have always put others interest before mine. it got to stop. it must stop.

things i am gonna do may presenting myself as a cold and mean person. can't help it. above of all i must do it with good intentions. others' opinion and view may not matters. but i will try my best to dodge and weather any criticsme. making the impact less severe. don't they say justice must not only be done but to be seen being done as well? especially few things that may result the whole world against me. but the whole world have not been kind to me lately. should i be bothered?

i have been reading a book '7 AHA!s of Highly Enlightened Souls. (How to Free Yourself From All Forms of Stress)' by Mike George, for a few months. having tough time to chew his words. supposed to do summary on it. as i was saying i'm having tough time understanding the book, the summary doesn't look impressive. :D thus i can't share it with u ols. later i guess. but the book does lining out few things that outrageously clear and good, things that we should understand, behold and do in order to live a happy life.

just finished downloading 12 supposedly best collection of Janis Joplin songs. i like the guitar sounds on her songs. reminiscing of those 60s and 70s hippies sounds. how nice to listen to hers' "take a piece of my heart" rendered by other singers including Mary J Blige. but her original live version much prefered, due to the guitar sounds off course. :D

just done copying the season 1 of 'scrubs' which the process slowed down my pc. will watch it later. laughter is best medicine? and i once said read the quran is in fact the best medicine. since i can't do it now i better settled for 'laughter' for now.

i am a man who mean every word i said. those having problem to trust and believe it, not really my problem. i live with few sexpectation and few rules. privacy and trust matter the most. lies ... i will not tolerate anymore. i have shown how to do it. i have walked through it. there is no reason lies to be told to your supposedly loved ones and friends.

live life to the fullest. get rich or die trying. as they say ...

.

"Broken heart again, Another lesson learn, Better know your friends, Or else you will get burn, Gotta count on me, Cause I can guarantee, That I'll be fine .." Mary J Blige's 'No More Drama'.