arghhh ... fucked up!

somebody really fucked up my car insurance. and i don't know who to blame. either the car's salesman, the agent or the takaful guy. but i know at the end, i am the one is to be held responsible for taking things for granted and didn't bother to double check things smartly.

my insurance agent just told me the other day that my car insurance sexpired several days earlier than the maturity of the car road tax which is today. and during those days i heavily used the car travelling around like crazy including taking my whole family on few trips. luckily nothing untoward things happened. but that is not the sexcuses. the fact remain i let myself sexposed to the unnecessary stupid risk. got to really taking control and sexamine my things thorough from now on.

talking about the inefficiency of our takaful insurance. the fact remain that all we wanna do is to support our local bumi and islamic business and community but all we get is second tier support from them. then what is left for us to do? that takaful guy keep smsed and called promoting the takaful package for my car. but thats all they did. they never send me the official quotation although they promised to! then how to proceed? at the end i have to get my insurance buddy to rush things up.

rushing things is never a good idea. i settled the insurance premium and road tax this noon. after checking with my sis in law apparently there is traffic tickets that yet to be settled. thus i get her assistance to settled it first and pay to her later tonite. when returning to my car from the bank, i found there is a summon ticket from local council for illegal parking! ouch ... another stupid sexpenses to be paid. all in all ... bulan ni poket pak cik berlubang besar ...

got to stop this stupidity of fouls either by myself or by others on me. got to tighten my grips on my affair from now on. otherwise i shall be remained fucked up by something and someone or by myself.

darn ...

owh ... ngantuks skali ...

sori. pak cik letih dan ngantuks ni. malam tadi tido lewat sangat tengok tiger woods main golf. got to watch the legend making the history.

before that watched arsenal game, eduardo broke his leg due tu horrible tackle, it was an ugly scene. can't imagine how arsenal players can continue playing after that senseless incident.

that sunday afternoon, pak cik bertolak balik dari shah alam ke Lenggeng. then at three pm departed to Simpang Durian, Jelebu for my friend's wedding. an hour later baru sampai. pak cik biasa lah gi lewat2 nih on mu friends' wedding. leh la sembang lama2 ngan pengantin dan dengan keluarga pengantin sambil minum air kopi dan kuih muih :D.

kol lima lebih baru balik. malas nak singgah di jeram toi pak cik singgah di jeram lenggeng. budak2 tu sibuk nak mandi sungai. kasik la dio worang peluang.

kol sembilan malam baru bertolak balik ke shah alam. letih2 pun pak cik masih nak tengok tiger woods ...

mungkin sebab tu agak nya tulisan pak cik ni tunggang langgang bercampur baur ... letih dan ngantuks sehh ..

Akhirnya ...

sudah puas pak cik cari2, usha2 sejak beberapa lama. akhirnya ketemu juga dengan dvd citer 'good will hunting'. walopun mahal sedikit tapi puas hati lah juga. balik2 umah terus layan citer tu. to me it is a beautiful story. banyak btol falsampah2 dlm citer tu. when the acting by matt damon and robie williams were superb. but then and even know how i wish the heroine should be other than minnie driver ...

setakat ni dulu. paler pak cik fenin nih. x cukup tido :D

till next time. ujung minggu ni kene gi jelebu laks ... jauh tu ...

pada semua, selamat berhujung2 minggu dengan aktiviti yang di rancang dan tak di rancang. be jolly and be safe!

.

it is not about you being perfect or your partner being perfect. nobody is perfect. it is whether both of you being perfect for each other or not?

it is just me. who i am. II.

sesekali ter 'came across' lelaki2 dan jantan2 yang guna ayat power2 dalam mengayat perempuan. bahkan sesetengah nya mampu meraih anugerah lakonan terbaik kerana mampu menitis kan air mata ketika mengucap ayat2 dan madah berhelah. walau berhelah namun cukup jelas tampak keikhlasan nya. dan perempuan itu pun tertipu.

kekadang pak cik hanya tersenyum sinis. sebab nya pak cik dah lama berhenti dari kerja mengayat nih. cukup lama sampai terlupa bila. sekarang pak cik hanya bercakap apa yang patut. katalah pak cik 'cold' ke. sumbung ke. apa ke.

memang pak cik suka menyusun ayat-ayat dan bait-bait perkataan. namun cukup hanya sekadar baris2 puisi melepas emosi di dada dan di hati. lebih dari itu tak mampu pak cik nak lakukan. walau apa ganjaran nya. walau apa habuan nya.

'i like sex. i would like to make love with you. but only if you could make me excited and talk to me into it' once a lady said that to me.
'no thank you. am not interested' jawab pak cik without hesitation.

i don't think i need to sweet talk anybody into doing anything. although deep down inside i already know what they want.

maybe i am desperate. but not that desperate. and sweet talk is not my way. not for the time being. not just yet. at the moment direct approach is my way.

sorry to disappoint you.

.

indah nya bulan dan bintang-bintang
hasil kerja sang penyair
tampak cantik dan manis si jelita
di puji pria-pria yang asyik

lapar ...

balik2 keje petang semalam, pak cik terus gi restoran big plate. perut memang dah kebulur. waktu dinner pak cik memang biasanya belah2 petang. pak cik order bungkus 'ayam subang - half bird roasted chicken' dua bungkus dengan satu bungkus oxtail soup. dua2 menu nih memang feveret pak cik.

balik2 umah minum air neskepi di temani dengan keropok lekor goreng nipis2 dan dua butir karipap. cukup la utk alas perut yg lapar. lepas maghrib baru makan makanan yang di beli tadi.

hajatnya lepas tu nak gi tessco, nak beli tangga dengan 'typist chair'. tapi perut dah kenyang jadik malas la plak. gi kedai jek bawak anak2 bujang pak cik. sebab lagi satu adalah pak cik kene tengok siri 'the contender asia' kat axn kol 9 sampai kol 10. ni lah rancangan tv feveret pak cik selain dari citer 'damages' pada ari selasa. citer2 lain mcm house dah abis tengok dah dlm dvd :D.

dah dua malam turut2 pak cik tido awal. sebab nya pak cik melantak dulu obat tido. mcm pak cik bagitau doktor tu ... pak cik nak cuba 'regularised' kan waktu tido pak cik. hajat nya masuk tido kol 12 paling lewat. ni yang dilema nih. tak leh la pak cik nak gi ronda2 malam2. kedai dvd kat danau kota tu asik antar sms jek ada dvd baru ...

pasni pak cik berhajat nak start cooking yang spesel2 nya plak. seblom ni yang simpel2 je. yang goreng2 macam siakap goreng termasuk blek peper steak tu. kene buka balik buku resepi lelama. dapay masak siakap 3 rasa pun jadik lah ...

apdet skit!

sedar tak sedar ... ada beberapa link yang samada tuan tanah tu dah 'private' kan blog dia atau dah ilang atau dah tukar address. ada tu yang ilang sekejap tapi alhamdulillah muncul semula ... kusss semangat! ada jugak yang dah berkurun tak apdet tanpa sebarang entri dan posting. masing2 ada lah sebab musabab nya kut. walau apa pun pak cik harap mereka sehat2 dan ceria selalu. kalo ada masalah tu, moga2 cepatlah masalah tersebut berlalu ..

pak cik apdet skit link2 blog ni. tambah dua link baru utk arsaili dgn yonna. utk baby, pak cik dah apdet link baru dia :p jgn wat lagi tau! nanti pak cik geget baby!

lenkali pak cik apdet kan lagi blog nih. ada beberapa link yang patut di cantas atau di perbaharui. mungkin nak letak lagu background semula selain dari imeem player tu. tgk lah nanti mcm mana. kalo ada masa ...

Lonely.

Februari muncul kembali
Dengan kehangatan semalam
Tanpa ku sedari
Ku petik mawar merah
Ku tulis sekuntum puisi
Tapi sayang pada siapa kan ku beri ...

It is just me. Who i am.

to those people that hurt me, i have never ever pray for anything bad for them. in fact i wish them well. even when i was consumed with anger, madness and hate, the first thing that i told myself is let bygone be bygone. there is no need to vent and to be vengeful. it simply will bring no good. thus the best solution is simply walk away.

there is also no need to be judgemental. shit happened for whatever reason is. who's fault it is doesn't really matter. afterall we will never know why on earth it happened. even if we got to know it, most of the time only a glimpse of it, will it satisfy our greedy inquisitive mind? thus what's left and needed to be done is to learn from it. be wiser.

forgiveness is all i have for them. even if they never ask for it.

deep down inside i know i am no angel myself. there were just too many mistakes and sins done by me. even a smell of heaven i will be simply forbidden.

and it boiling down to this, only this : in life thereafter, in the face of fire of hell, all i hope for is His forgiveness and compassion. thus i will have to be one at the first place in order to earn one. at least that is what i thought.

being santa cause ...

'ayah ... nak ipod nano bleh tak?' tanya si juber. kecik2 umur 5 tawon dah kenal gagdget tuh!

'ayah ... nak henpon?' minta pula si ayid.
'tak bleh. ko malas blajar, sifir pun tak hafal' jawab ayah nya.
'ibai tu bleh. dia pun tak pandai' jawab si ayid mematahkan jawapan pak cik.
'ibai rajin tolong mama dia' jawab pak cik sambil mencemik pada ayid.

tu adalah serba sedikit permintaan anak2. yang terucap dan tak terucap.

'ibai, mintak la top-up ngan ayah tu' ujar si mamanya pada ibai.
'bak sini seploh rengget' jawab pak cik pantas.
'la ... ngan anak2 pun nak berkira?' tetiba seorang anak buah yang berdekatan menyampuk.
pak cik diam jek sambil sengeh2. buat penat pak cik top-up jek. tader pun dia sms atau tipon ayah dia. sms pun ntah apa2 ngan sepupu sepapan dia. ngan kakaknya si tuya pun ntah apa2. mula2 guna henpon dulu ... 'ko wat per?' tu je lah sms dia berulang2 kali.

pak cik tak jawab pun sebab malas nak sebut ketakpuashatian pak cik pada orang luar. tak baik bukak aib orang, lebih2 lagi anak sendiri.

tu baru anak2. blom lagi mak nya yang merengek ...

Amazing Indeed!

i've been wanting to write about this for along time. only now i just remembered about it and allow me to put it here before this old man forget about it again.

did you watch the amazing raze asia version? i did but am actually not a vivid follower. well you know how this axn on astro keep re-run its show over and over till you got to watch all the missed series and stories. that is how i got watch them anyway!

managed to watch the screening of the participants. and the couple from hong kong is the most 'talk cock' teams by saying they would win in the most horrible words and gesture that they could possibly used. good heaven they are the first participant who was eliminated.

and there were a few couples who really horrible. the race is about a good relationsip and cooperation between the members in the team as well as to other team and they should race in a good manner and good spirit they could possibly done. and these few couples only found out that can't work together as a team only in this race and not before? and how about the mommy team from malaysia? using a crude and cruel trick? put a shame on us.

i enjoy watching the bros from philipine. they are really fun to watch. and the team from singapore who eventually won the race, they are very humble. and the malaysian sisters team ... they are loveable to watch. only towards the end of the show then i realized ... the brunette sister is actually very the very beautiful! :D

i guess the show is actually a good reflection of how we should run our life and relationship. we really can't live this life alone without having to interact with other people especially those that closed to us like family, friends, colleagues and all. how we want to play the card? graciously and amazingly? listen to your heart ....

captions of the week ..

the other nite i was at the dvd shop. while i was going thru few dvds in my hand, suddenly i realized next to me there was a group of five or six people mostly 'lelaki lembut' sexcept for one who appeared to be a full blown ladyboy. when i look up then i was in awe. that ladyboy is really2 pretty! the hair, the skin, the face, the dressing ... i would have to say he is beautiful, to the extend that sexceed most of the beautiful women i ever seen. but as usual his or her voice killed the mood which left me smiling ...

one of them trying to start conversation with me by commenting how good is the story of '2 and a half men' (season two) dvds that i was holding. but don't know how to react i just smiling and keeping mum. the last thing i want to sexpose myself to is to this group. not that i have something against them. pak cik tak kisah actually. but as i said earlier, girls can wait .... so with them :D.

.

while i was watching on sunday, my wife told me that one of our bro in law who was at kota bharu at that time just called her inquiring where was i. he got to ask cause he just saw 'me' there. lor ... luckily i was safe and soudn at home.

:D *phew ...*

.

my wife overheard my kids conversation which actually ticked her off a lil bit. si ayid was telling his big bro that next time if they come out with me and my so called girlfriend, he would request and asked for anything. according to him, i was kind and most obliged to them during those outing. which i beg to differ :))

but at least for now, no more outing with girlfriend. got no girlfriend for now. and mebbe for a long period to come. but my wife a bit sceptical. she has her doubt. i don't blame her but i quickly asked her "nak tengok ke saya kuar ngan budak umur 19 tawon?". that obviously set her off.

unlike before, this time around i was going out either all alone or with my kids. there are prospects indeed but i was just leave them open. few invitations to go out just hanging and chilling out or watching movie i have to let them passed. decided to be alone this time around. there are so much things to do and left undone. need to address them first.

till then, i will just have to strategically position myself for the next best opportunity that i am hoping for. kalo esok masih ada mentari dan bulan ... :D

Mimpi. 3.

kalau malam ini
mata masih enggan lena
aku harap bulan dan bintang
akan sudi menemani.

kalau malam ini
tiada bulan dan bintang
aku harap pungguk di pohon sena
akan tidur lena.

kalau malam ini
aku terlena juga akhirnya
aku harap si dia kan sudi
menjelma dalam mimpi
walau buat terakhir kali.

kalu malam ini
malam terakhir ku
aku harap bulan dan bintang
khabarkan rindu ku
pada si dia yang telah pergi.

Mimpi. 2.

i saw you in my dreams
long time ago.

i've been longing to see you again
the last time i didn't say
what's in my heart
my life seems cursed
ever since.

it's been a while
i've not been dreaming
but if you come tonight
i vow not to let you go
i will sleep forever
holding you in my dreams.

Mimpi 1.

Dear my lovely friend(s),
I am sorry that i've been away for a while. But i was down with illness. I was down alrite but am not out. Just yet.
But how incredible life is, even when you're down and weak, and one of your kids and your parents also fall sick, somehow you found the sextra strength to attend to them. took them for medical treatments and do all the other things accordingly. when all were done, you just came back under the mattress hoping the sexhaustion will bring you sleep while the fever sweating your body wet.
Is it love or just dutifully discharging your responsibilities? Either one, to sons and daughter out there, cherish and hug your mama and daddy when they are stilll around, and while you still can.
Regards.

.

dalam kepekatan gelap
malam yang panjang
kepayahan meraba-raba
mencari mimpi yang hilang
bila mata enggan lena.

fajar subuh menjemput siang
sehari lagi mengharung hidup
dalam keadaan letih dan lesu
dan ingatan gentar dan gusar
menanti malam menjelang
dapatkah mata di pejam
mengundang mimpi pulang?

Well Wishes ..

i decided not to come to work tomorrow. plan to go back to kampung and have a rest. not feeling well for the past couple of days. feeling weak.

who celebrating Chinese New Year pak cik wish happy new year. the rest .. selamat bercuti.

.

hidup mesti hidup
mati itu pasti.

gembira dan sedih
hanyalah mainan hati.

airmata yang tumpah
adalah tanda keinsanan.

Trilogy : Third. For All The Wrong Reason.

A was deeply hurt by her malay boyfriend who decided to dump her for someone new but closer to him. He was at the US and A was at UK both pursuing studies. A then felt she had enuff with malay boy and decided to find love in european guy who she thot is more gentlemen and caring. she then got hooked to one and married there even when her family earlier on protested.

Little she knew that the european guy insterested in asian lady coz he got the impression that asian lady are loyal and treated their husband like king. he wanted to be treated as one.

when they finally settled in Malaysia, the true colours of the husband started to show. womanising. lying. lazy bump. she even most of the times has to support the household expenses and not to mentione still have to do all the household jobs. the agonising and the despairs started to wrestle her life.

she asked for divorce but the husband threatened to took their kids with him. she decided not to proceed. and the husband doesn't changed a bit.

i gave my advise to her that she only got two options either to ask for divorce or continue with the marriage and doing all she can to win him back. make him change. make a turnover to be a once beautiful lady she was. or simply disregard him even if when he is around and learn to focus on her career and kids. do not let his doings affecting her life.

she didn't do either. that is why when last time she came to me about his husband antics all i could tell her was she can't complaining since that is the option that she took. she decided to have him around purportedly for the kids' sake. she wanted him to change but unable to do it. quarrel are everyday business. the most eery part is, she still love him, that is why it does hurt her very much. then there is nothing much that i can do ...

sometimes no matter how well we thought we have learned and educated, we are actually not as liberal as we thot. we still as typical person .. fear of the unknown, thus embracing what we have now even if it kill us emotionally and physically day by day ...

.

sky is the limit
still the birds
fly back to its nests
when the sun goes down.

Trilogy : Second. The Reason.

I made a trip to kl last nite around 10.00 pm. once my business settled then i drove home. without apparent reason there was quite a numbers of car when i drove to kl and little lesser on the way back.

at jalan genting klang there were a couple of cars stupidly cruising on the fast lane. getting tired i overtook them on the slower lane. then i was speeding a bit. then came a fast car right behind me when i reached jalan pahang. i drove faster and keeping that car behind till the bulatan jalan pahang all the way to lebuhraya 'what is name' from PWTC heading towards muzium negara passing Parliment building. again there were few cars stupidly cruising slow on the fast lane. from there on i increased my speed and engaged on the race mode. faster and faster and overtake any cars infront. this continue along federal hiway. suddenly a sms came from a lady lets be known as "A".

A : How are u today? Bet on top of the world yeah?
Me : Tgh racing ni!
A: Amboi, takkan racing boleh jawab sms? Kenapa tak ajak i racing sekali? Minat tau :-)
Me : No fear!
A : :-P No fear indeed.
Me : Lor .. wat r u up to still not sleeping?
A: What else to do?
Me: Hawau u?
A : So and so. Ok lah. surviving. And u? Everything settled?
Me : Me? Embracing sorrow. hehehe
A : By racing? Does it work? Damn i shd try it too!
Me : Not recommended for a 'girlish' heart tho.
A : :-P What made u say that? A girlish heart can be a tough lady too zack!
Me : Tough lady don't have a girlish heart! :p
A : Owh well, they were once a girl dear! They wont be able to totally forget their root. The same goes to u too. Even tho u acted like a mcho man, feer down in ur eyes i can see the boyish side of u! Wanted to be love and loving also
Me : We are talking about racing duh!
A : Hahaha, i was talking abt racing too right? Hahaha ... sorry, i steered out of tract sikit.
Me : As usual :p
A : yeah, that's me i guess :-P so who win? What's the price tonite?
Me : Just happily racing along the hiway :)
A : Let me get it right, happily embracing sorrow?
Me : Kinda ...
A : How's things with her? Any wedding bells ringing?
Me : Hell's bell that tolled.
A : Be patient! There will always be a sweet life after a thorny path dear.
Me: Yup. Meantime i will embrace this sorrow till no solace can make me the same with any girls anymore.
A : R u still with her dear?
Me : Nope. Was over. Am going to prayer now n tuck in to bed. U sleep tite n sweetdreams ya!
A : I'm in bed already. Finish racing eh? Good night to u too and sweet dream dear.

The sms started around 11.50 pm and ended at 12.48 am.

This lady has been confided in me her maritak problems and i always been there for her giving advise and all. but last fasting month i gave he bold advise which she took it as cruel. i didn't blame her tho but i also didn't feel guilty. and she stopped contacting me until last weekend by smsed saying hi and asking how am i. i answered that i am not fine. she then told me she has a hunch that i am not doing ok and asked whether i would like to share the problem with her. i said no. then we ended the sms by saying good nite.

she is the last person i wanna talk about my problem. as you can see thru the sms above ... to me she kinda a female that have a very strong feminisme. support all the women doesn't matter what it is. thus i don't see her as ably to give a sound and unbiased opinions not to mention advise!

to be a good listener one must be able to detach from whatever things that may influence opinion and judgement even when he or she got interest in it. and it must be done purely without any hidden motive and personal benefits.

are you up to it?

.

look at the starry sky
the bright moonlight
the beautiful world beneath them
it made you wonder
how can person
do hideous things?

Trilogy : First. No Particular Reason.

when you are in relationship, to end it, do you need to give a reason? do you need to find a reason? or a bunch of reasons? do you need to blame the other party and presented your case? need to give evidence for misconduct, treasons, betrayal, lies and etc etc?

for me honestly i don't think so. just enuff for me to ask within whether i am comfortable and happy? the surprising part is our heart always tell us the true answer only for us to put it aside with common logic and under emotional influence.

and that is sexactly what normally happens. we know it is heading nowhere. but still we wanna go on hoping everything will turn out ok someway somehow.

but usually it never does. not without miracle. not without luck.

in relationship there is no such miracle nor luck. if we believe so, then clearly we opt for despair and sorrow.

it is a work of two heart. if one heart straying away, there is nothing we could do sexcept for choosing to end the terminal relationship. as simple as that. but we always fool ourselves. and wellcome to the hell's gate! either you cry and mourn there or simply being sucked in and become the devil and do evil things later on.

.

bulan dan mentari bersilih ganti
menjaga langit dan awan
di bawah pemerhatian bintang-bintang.

hati yang sepi
siapakan menemani
rintihan duka tiada siapa peduli.

Hepi Monday!

arggghhh ... pak cik bangun lambat pagi ni. sebab nya tido lambat malam tadi. ntah naper malas lak nak tido padahal mata dah ngantuks .. pagi tadi pun dah terjaga tapi malas nak bangkit. i guess memang dah jenis pemalas kut!

bought latest cd of evenescene. seems ok with few sexciting songs. once transfer it to my thumb drive then can listen to them all in my car loudly :D. plan to erase all my current playlist and add the old numbers of gothic songs ...

last nite i bought and watched dvd of 'rambo 4'. i was told the movie was quite gruesome and not much of entertainment. but when i bought it that is sexactly my objective. just to be entertained with its actions scenes. then that was sexactly i got. considered ok lah :D. and there is 'cj7' dvd also but still 'cinema' copy. didn't bought it as for this movie i plan to watch it in the cinema. dengan siapa tak tahu lagi. can't wait to watch stephen chow ..

better stop for now. my stomach felt uneasy since early this morning ...

.

airmata
tidak kan dapat
merubah perjanjian
sampai masa
kita kan beroleh
hasil usaha sendiri.

lazy sunday ..

trying to find the book that i wanted but it is nowhere to be seen in yesterday book store. guess i will keep looking for it.

i bought a dvd of 'amazing stories' series by steven spielberg but the shop actually ran out of stock. so i have to make another trip to the shop probably tonite. then i guess i will minimise my trip to kl, which is normally night or late night trips.

the house need a major clean up. too many dust collected anywhere. i will try to do it on my own bit by bit. can't wait for other to do it.

my health ... really got to do something about it. it is not at the level that i wanted for. got to strengthened my will for it.

other than that ... will apdet soon :D